When you give someone access to read through some of your raw emotions, late night cant sleep thoughts & “mental vomit” you tend to look back over things yourself. Maybe a small amount of What The Fuck did i just open myself up too. 😂🤣

Reading back through things i shared here, mainly for myself, but other poly peeps too. I shared things from my past before 2016, new things as they unfolded into nothingness, and relationships that where toxic from the start. I read about lessons, changes, triggers, and flaws. HOW I LET PEOPLE TREAT ME. 🙁Ugh.

I belive this October will be 9 years of poly lifestyle for me. (Maybe actually ten yrs i need to look that up) September will be one year of blogging, What a ride its been, Oh, how i have learned and grown. Reading back over each post i remember where my head, heart, and feelings were, mental and phyical health, as well and stressors at that time.
Not every quote or clipart was directed at someone, but the ones that were captured that moment.

I can see clearly NRE mistakes, I was so damn forgiving, and so damn scared to be unapologeticly myself, i wouldn’t ask for limits, or boundaries, nor express my wants or needs, i didnt advocate for myself. I tip-toed hot topics in fear of being the one who fell to hard, wanted too much or cares to much… BUT just yesterday, on the beach, i got a “thinking of you” text, i call my ex out on his “thinking of you” bull shit. 💩 Think of me all you want, because memories of what you had, is all your getting.🖕 I should have been done with that game in march!

Yet have zero regret, why? Because I learned a lot in the last 9 mths. About terms, local poly community, other peoples ploycules, and other forms of poly, and most importantly about myself. 💪
Coming out to my daugter, out to more friends, jeffs interest in communicating with metas , and just being more comfortable in my own skin, less ashamed of being poly in general.🙃
So many layers of broken peices, from my up bringing, fueled the lack of self-advocating. Some day I’ll find ALL the parts of myself, that my mother convinced me i wasnt never good enough to love, and let go of them. It still shocks me every time i find new shards. 🙁

Looking foward…..
I knew I wanted transparent communication.
I wanted to be unapologetically me, flaws and all,
no tip toes,
no games,
just me,
my taped together heart,
my glued together soul.

I’ve said for years im an open book, ask an I’ll tell, but i guess in the last 10yrs no one ever really asked to see the messy side before. Until recently. 😊😶🙄🙂😏
Im going to continue to be me. Listen to those around me when they see me accepting less than im worth, Because so far those that matter and know the real me dont mind. And i need more real people in my life.

Currently, Im over the moon, “🎶dancing in the mirror and singing in the shower🎶” kind of happy. And im just gunna roll with that. 😁👌😊

I have a conversation that i need to have. And im not scared or worried about its out come, for a change.

Labels provide me with language & terminology that easily allows me & others to understand where or what exactly my relationship with someone is. it lets me know that we are equally invested in what ever we are doing. clear lines lol {there seems to be a pattern here} It also give me a since of comfort and securities that we are both* on the same page. (*both can also include primary partners thoughts)

I feel labels should be applied after all parties involved have discussed what exactly those labels mean to them and agree on the accuracy of them. A lack of communication on the label can really hurt someone. misunderstanding the importance or involvement one expects or wants with labels.
Bottom line, make sure your labels are accurate for everyone and your intentions are clear.