Nor-cal, 33y.o, mom, wife, spoonie…. My life is one of those "had to be there" jokes. Think of it as a peek in to my mind. some NSFW/18+ only please, all most everything is a repost from other social media platform that i can relate with or love. Common topics include: Moon, Space, Coffee, Love, Depression, feelings, poly, ASD & Fibromyalgia
When I was monogamous and dating, even after I got married, I always wondered how men figured out that they found “the one.” Skipping over the whole notion of there necessarily only being one, I get monogamy is what some people want and works for them.
But as a woman it’s always assumed HE will ask YOU when he figured it out. That’s the quintessential story right? She is longing and waiting until he pops the question.
Now when I was dating monogamously and knew I wanted to get married eventually my criteria for maintaining a relationship was that I could see myself marrying the person I was dating. Maybe not right then, but if we were dating you had yet to disqualify yourself as a possibility. Given this view I always wondered how a guy figured out that a person had fulfilled all their requirements and that they wanted this person forever. How does that realization go?
And then Sunday happened. I had gotten back from my first coffee date via OKC, which went rather well, and my boyfriend and I were driving back to his place. We had been talking about our adventures in internet dating and plans for our business venture. There was a lull in the conversation and I looked over at him and just felt this overwhelming thing.
I was excited and happy with my date, but I was excited to share it with him. I was hit with how much I loved the security and everyday part of our relationship. Dating is exhausting, but the thrill of something new and different is nice. But I was so happy and grateful that my boyfriend wasn’t new. He was my everyday, my forever. I knew whatever came from dating he would be with me always.
I get it now. I know what my husband felt when he, spontaneously, asked me to marry him all those years ago. I think about missing out on all of this if we hadn’t tried polyamory.
I never knew there was a hole in my life that was waiting for my boyfriend to fill. I would have never known how much better it could have gotten.
I never want to be without him in my life; and now I understand.
Somedays I wonder how we’ve put up with each other for so long or survived some of the crap we’ve been through. Then somedays it feel like just a few years ago it all started and how so few actually believed we’d last. Life is been far from smooth or easy on anything over the years, but we’ve always been there for each other. unconditionally…Happy Anniversary, I love you, here is to many more years my Love.
I had a huge fight w/ hubby on our anniversary & a relationship i was in ended that really broke my heart, more than i relized till way later.
Thinking back over the last year so much has changed with me. So much i have learned, and grown. Things are so much better with hubby and while I still miss that relationship immensely, i value the friendship we can have now.
Im not sure what the next 3 months holds for me. I mean the chance (35%) of a Hawaii trip before year end is on the table. Hubby leaving for a week at a time for work, and the crazy holiday season, who knows who or what could unfold.
Perpetual Commotion 