I feel so much better after the convo. It’s good to see the effort fallow through physically, and I was honest about my personal anxieties. he listened and understood, Feeling understood and not told, or made to feel like I’m too clingy, needy or sappy is a very comforting change. The feelings are openly expressed as mutual.

I’m excited and happy. Being he’s never done polyamory before, I’m letting him decide what hes comfortable with. But as long as the effort stays I will continue to be impressed, consistency.

I’m still smiling from ear to ear.

June 13, 2018 0

Two texts that made my heart happy today….

“I’m happy that I found you…you are introducing me into something I wouldn’t have thought about trying ever…but I like your personality and how you think. I like how we flow and just get along…its been a really long time since I’ve had that…its refreshing and nice!I love what we have and what we are building!!I’m lucky to have you.”
“I have a bad habit of staring lol I cant help it though, someone as beautiful and amazing as you!! 😊😚”

💗My heart is so happy💗

June 6, 2018 0

Holy shit

6.3.18

A successful date with someone I have been talking too. We got to meet up for wings.

His transparency leaves me in shock. And feels like a trap because it’s so refreshing.

We met up for a early dinner as he as a early riser for work. My anxiety was high like normal but I calmed down after a while. After lots of rambling. I am at a point I’ll just spill my drama and crazy life and if people wanna stick around I’ll be shocked. He doesn’t seem bothered by my crazy. Only big down fall, hes never done polyamory before. That scares me a bit. Just due to my own past. But everyone’s different. He asked questions and legitimately listens.

I’d like to see where this goes. Keeping my hands to myself was hard because his hug made me weak in the knees. We fit together in the hug so well I could get lost.

Time will tell.

June 4, 2018 0

5.20.18

I got in a deep conversation with someone about what would be the ideal polyam relationship for me.

And thinking over the past ones. What each one brought me, how each one changed me, and help me grow.

I’d have to say I want the kind of polyam relationship that’s strongly rooted in friendship. Were you can be like best friends who can be physical w/o compermizing our marriages or other relationships. Who helps each other grow, vent, think through life problems, brain storm, dream up what ifs, cheers each other on, celebrates our wins with us and comforts our losses.

I get that often poly isn’t a full time relationship at times, sometimes we are in a secondary position, closeted, or more hushed in our lifestyle w/ poly but that doesn’t mean the supportive friendship ground work isnt there.

I have found that kind of connection only a few times. And even fewer was it able to be a relationship of more than friends like I longed for.

I can’t say dating is easy by any means. But I think building meaningful friendships in itself feels more impossible these days.

Sex is great but i wan an intimacy that isn’t strickly sexual and I want that with people I can invest deeply in and know they feel it too by the effort they make to return it.

May 23, 2018 0

Laying in bed with my love.

He wanted to talk, catch up. Its Been such a crazy week. And being apart for 4days wasn’t easy. I shared a song that made me think of him this week. Shared parts of converstions, thoughts and emotions. Did my homework for Monday’s appoinemnt, and just spent time together.

We are in such a better place together now. And this week has been a test to all the changes we have made.

I think the most touching thing said tonight,

“You told me your scared, but i am too, im happy to see you eyes sparkle again, i know you’ve miss him. But remeber the break up didnt just effect you alone last time, so yes im scared too.”

I cant ask for a more loving supportive husband. Our crazy life is never short of a realty tv show. He listens to my happiness, and comforts my sadness. Celebrates my joys and protects my broken peices.

April 14, 2018 0

Today was a monday that I cant say i saw coming.

My day started out with texts that My daughter was in early stages of labor. I got up and left town in 30 min to make the 2hr drive to her, shes 2 weeks early, and today my baby girl, gave birth to her first child. a healthy baby boy 6lb 11oz, 19inches . She did amazing, and impressed me how much shes grown in 9mths..

💙💚💛💙💚💛

Parenting makes weird full circles when grandkids come around. I am Nonna, an name close to my own heart. And i think shes gunna be a fantastic Momma bear

💙💚💛💙💚💛

I also had a more, in-depth, lengthy conversation with someone today. Someone, i honestly didnt think i would cross paths with again. I’m not sure if Im more shocked😮, or scared of being hurt again😞. BUT the excitement is welcomed and was honestly missed. 😶😏☺

With the many different directions my 2018 has gone in such a short time, I can’t even pretend to have an idea what lays ahead. But im excited, and kinda 🦋butterflies and dare i say bumblebees 🐝😂🤣😂

April 10, 2018 0

Whats a label?

For me its always brought forth a level of understanding, some kind of commitment, connection, comfort.

This dont have a label. Currently its two people really interested in eachother. Butterflies and NRE, Crazy life’s, making time when we can, and it gets phyical every other time we see eachother because the chemistry pops!

I’m not a gf, yet it dont feel casual to either of us. I understand his limits, restriction and respect them. He “gushes” about me to his others. I could comfortably call him a bf, im mostly content with what this is. ( to early for some things like kink talked have yet to try)

so… hubby calls him my bf, 2 friends whom know im polyamorous call him my bf……

Titles just comfort me. But his hugs and kisses comfort me, him listening, his friendship…. and i think I’ll just keep enjoying what i got in the moment.

February 22, 2017 0