Laying in bed with my love.

He wanted to talk, catch up. Its Been such a crazy week. And being apart for 4days wasn’t easy. I shared a song that made me think of him this week. Shared parts of converstions, thoughts and emotions. Did my homework for Monday’s appoinemnt, and just spent time together.

We are in such a better place together now. And this week has been a test to all the changes we have made.

I think the most touching thing said tonight,

“You told me your scared, but i am too, im happy to see you eyes sparkle again, i know you’ve miss him. But remeber the break up didnt just effect you alone last time, so yes im scared too.”

I cant ask for a more loving supportive husband. Our crazy life is never short of a realty tv show. He listens to my happiness, and comforts my sadness. Celebrates my joys and protects my broken peices.

April 14, 2018 0

Today was a monday that I cant say i saw coming.

My day started out with texts that My daughter was in early stages of labor. I got up and left town in 30 min to make the 2hr drive to her, shes 2 weeks early, and today my baby girl, gave birth to her first child. a healthy baby boy 6lb 11oz, 19inches . She did amazing, and impressed me how much shes grown in 9mths..

💙💚💛💙💚💛

Parenting makes weird full circles when grandkids come around. I am Nonna, an name close to my own heart. And i think shes gunna be a fantastic Momma bear

💙💚💛💙💚💛

I also had a more, in-depth, lengthy conversation with someone today. Someone, i honestly didnt think i would cross paths with again. I’m not sure if Im more shocked😮, or scared of being hurt again😞. BUT the excitement is welcomed and was honestly missed. 😶😏☺

With the many different directions my 2018 has gone in such a short time, I can’t even pretend to have an idea what lays ahead. But im excited, and kinda 🦋butterflies and dare i say bumblebees 🐝😂🤣😂

April 10, 2018 0

Source: angel-of-nigth

March 29, 2018 0

under-same-sky:

Such a cute song.

I dont care who sees tower and i, thats a new feeling

I dont care who sees, devin dawson

May 15, 2017 0

Left on read….

As person

*whom has explained their previous scars

*has asked you to not ask “hows your day” if you don’t have the time to really chat

*has told you how i feel in regards to your newest addition squashing our NRE prematurely

*has watched her take major priority on your calendar and free time

As a person whos lovey dovey GIF was left all day on READ because weekends you go MIA when with her.

I have gotten your messages. Not in text, not voice, but by actions.

Your game, is well played.
You looked so well put together.. i was so impressed by you.
But i have seen now, you are flighty and have no real plan. You have no real dominance after all. Another fake.

I dont know that this is the game i want to play anymore.

Im not a convenience.
Im a person who let down my walls for someone who lives one NRE high to the next. 😔

April 23, 2017 0

New date

4/21
coffee turned into dinner

530p-1030p

He was so easy to talk to.
He understands how family is my everything.
We laughed so much.
He gives hugs that make me feel completely comforted.
im glad i went… i almost canceled

He needs a code name….hmmm

look back edit: 🐝

April 22, 2017 0

Lost

“We should see each other more”
“We should make time”
“We need to have an evening date”

Im not sure who this we is because your the one not available. Your the one whom added someone to your polycule, who seems to have all your free time. I knew time was a commodity you had little of. But things definitely changed. i have tried to suggest time, but then i dont have the link to your google calender as she does.
Im not making the effort to get on you calendar. You want me there…. you’ll make it happen.
Things have changed. And i dont wanna be physical until i know your still invested more than sex. This is why the L word scares me because i let down my walls only to have to start building again.

April 13, 2017 0

Patient

Things where going good. High on NRE. Then she came along and went from friend to gf in record speed.
Now she has your time on the weekends, sometimes evenings on weekdays too.
One day a week for 4 hrs if im lucky.
Conversations have lessened
Im scared i fell into another trap.
We shall see

April 7, 2017 0

I didnt know what to expect. This weekend felt like a little distance was taking place. Tower has NRE with another gal right now too. Im happy for him. I know how NRE can help depression and drive. I just was worried it would cause ours to fizz out faster.

Today was our little get away. I rented a car grabbed him and we headed 2hrs to san fran. The weather said rain and cold was to be expected. It rained like hell on the way to san fran. Once arrived wow it was a beautiful day.
Some sight seeing and off to to the science meauem. What a wonderful day.
Sat by the ocean for a bit even snuggled.
Dinner at the SAME restaurant chain our first dinner out (the night he met hubby) technically our first solo dinner date.
The hotel is an adorable cottage like place. The whole trip has been amazing.
Now for snuggles.

March 22, 2017 0

The L word

I dont use red hearts emoji any color but red because to me it means a speical kind of love. The kinda love i have only had with my hubby. The only kind of love that has lasted in my life. I have been hurt so many times.

Yet i can love more than one person, been poly 8 yrs and truly ever loved 2 out side of my lion.

This summer someone latched on while feeling NRE and *fell in love* with me and got jealousof my kids and hubby. He went bye bye real quick. I dont have time for that or to explain how unhealthy that even is. Im married, and happy. And that isnt fucking changing.

Tower and I are fireworks and butterflies. Thanks NRE. Now i think we are dancing around that word. And i told him that word bothers me. But we never got into why.

Today while with bff she asked “what if on ur trip he says he loves you, are you gunna dump him and run?” No!

But i dont know that i can say it back because so many times in my life i tell someone i love then and i lose them. The feelings might be there but the label of loving them makes me fearful of possibly being hurt.

March 11, 2017 0