2 fun nights out

Tacos and 3 hr chat with panda Sunday night was super awesome i have missed him. And the night ended with a kiss *awww*

And tonight (monday) ended with a last min invite to see the most random fucking movie with J5. My poly life makes him uneasy with our history, and his bad blood with hubby.. which is completely squashed. So i cleared the air that i love him and would never try to re-light anything more than friends because his friendship matters far more to me than anything and i learned the hard way and lost some important people.

Wednesday is my wedding anniversary I brought heels for our dinner date.

And if i get to see thumper this week would just be a cherry on top.

Breakups and old friends

I needed out of the house to avoid saying something to my adult (18y.o) daughter that I might regret later. I was pissed off.. poor life choices

So I went out. No plan. Heartbroken from most recent ghosting not even a respectful break up..no one was really available tonight to go out with either I wont go to a bar solo.

I passed the coffeeshop my friend of 19yr J5 plays on open mic nights. (Saturdays) well I texted him he said ya I’ll be down there soon. So I met up with him.

He write his own songs and plays guitar. Hes not the next American idol but I can always listen to him strum his music and sing his songs. It calmed me tonight. I get lost in his music not because I long to date him again or anything like that. His words always hit emotions I can relate to. And his style amuses me greatly.

It was short, random but I needed some comfort. And he gave me comfort w/o even knowing it.

https://open.spotify.com/track/359lSGQwvAM3aZA5UNwqiQ?plead=please-dont-download-this-or-our-lawyers-wont-let-us-host-audio

J5🎸
this reminds me of many many years ago.

I love catching up with you and hearing your many stories. Standing in my kitchen telling my kids “you have no clue how bad ass your momma really is…” and then telling them about some crazy adventure we had gone on… back when I was only a young teen.

It still echoes in the back of my mind how you told my kiddos in from of their dad… “this women right here makes dating woman now impossible, she set the bar way too high because shes the strongest, bad ass bitch I have ever known I’m damn happy to have her on my side any day of the week.” Hearing that means more than you will ever know.
I’m glad your still around, and I’m glad people that know my whole story, can look at me and say they are proud. It’s so rare to hear that in my life. So it means so much to me.
I do love you J5!
Always have and always will.

Source: Spotify

I say I love you

Its not always romantic love.

Tonight i got a call from someone who is both my ex and a super awesome friend. Phone calls between us are new. Its been letters mainly for years, As we ended our phone call i told him “love you bunches” and i didn’t think twice.

I could hear in his voice the shock to hear that & i know given his own situation. He likely hasnt heard that in a while. He stumbled & said love you too.

I do love a lot of people, in many different ways. Being auto immune is one of many factors that i think i tend to express my love for others more openly than most.