Nor-cal, 33y.o, mom, wife, spoonie…. My life is one of those "had to be there" jokes. Think of it as a peek in to my mind. some NSFW/18+ only please, all most everything is a repost from other social media platform that i can relate with or love. Common topics include: Moon, Space, Coffee, Love, Depression, feelings, poly, ASD & Fibromyalgia
Not thinking, just agreed to go run an errand, no big deal. end up pulling into a location, didnt even cross my mind when kiddo said we were going there. Pull into the drive way, suddenly get flooded with memories of the last time i was here with an ex.
My heart hurts, it hasnt in a while, the way it does right now sucks, such good memories leave such a sting. Thankfully i was with someone i could be honest with and let it out.
4 years ago we took in a 16 y.o boy. Broken home. He became family. Goal driven.
Helping him finish HS, start college an hr away w/o drivers license under 18 on a football scholarship, support him on his many random learn to fly endeavors, and helping when he crashed. We treated him like our own…
Aug. He made a chain of choices that had him w/o warning up and leave, disowning and blocking everyone. Including our extended friends & family. Its been almost 5 mths with nothing and tonight i got a text. Fallowed by a phone call.
My heart hurts. I loved this young man as my own child. He hurt everyone in this family with his choices 2 different times and wants forgiveness a 3rd time.
I raised him and my others your word is only as good as the truth you put behind it and efforts made to keep it.
He has failed at being the man he wanted to be when it comes to us. We were used as a steping stone, discarded and now hes missing having a family, now that he is trying to make his own.
Hubby is done.
Daughters are done.
I wont let him see my lil guy because he didn’t understand and just stopped asking about him.
I am heart broken. But i can not under the track record provided let him back in to our lives. Its not fair to us. But as a mom who loved him as my own……. my heart hurts.
Getting a goodbye text I had no idea was coming, because he said he understood. I wanted nothing more than to break out in tears and ball… but my feet were in the middle of a pedicure, and i was with someone who dosnt know im poly.
I held it together as long as i could…. the second my car door closed, i fell apart. Hard, ugly crying… Sitting in the dark wanting to drive…. right now…to his house and fight for his friendship, to hear me out and communcate. He means a lot to me, but hes done, because backing up to rebuild boundaries from dating to friendship was recived as abandonment. I had NOT left, Ive been right here waiting patiently for him to feel comfortable. Because i couldn’t even see him under platonic terms, but others got to see him regularly despite thier transgressions. I didnt feel he wanted me close. I waited for him to let ME know where I fit in HIS life. I had no idea. I’ve rolled with the ever changing situation, good and bad, and some how he felt i was only around for the good. How?!?
Ugh I’d drive there… right now… god i want to… if it would show him how much i dont want a goodbye. But she wouldn’t appriacte that, and I respect his family to not bring that to his home. I hate that I repect people more than my own feelings sometimes because id be on his doorstep, in tears wanting to talk.
My chest aches so bad. But he made a choice instead of talking to me. I communicated, i was told he understood. I just don’t understand.
Perpetual Commotion 