Honestly Happy

Tonight things worked out to spend time together. I was so giddy just to see him. (Him needs a nick-name) We met up at round table and laughed like old friends. A comfort and familiarity that I shouldn’t have yet.

We went back to his place for 3 hrs. Snuggled and I wished I could have stayed the whole night there. He insisted on walking me out when I left, and again ‘text me when you get home safe’

I’m so dumbfounded by him. Like where has this amazing human been all this time, why couldn’t I have met him sooner? But for now I will simply enjoy that our paths are intertwined now. And enjoy the time I have with him. Because he makes me feel beautiful, valued, appreciated, and special.

6.16.18

June 17, 2018 0

5.20.18

I got in a deep conversation with someone about what would be the ideal polyam relationship for me.

And thinking over the past ones. What each one brought me, how each one changed me, and help me grow.

I’d have to say I want the kind of polyam relationship that’s strongly rooted in friendship. Were you can be like best friends who can be physical w/o compermizing our marriages or other relationships. Who helps each other grow, vent, think through life problems, brain storm, dream up what ifs, cheers each other on, celebrates our wins with us and comforts our losses.

I get that often poly isn’t a full time relationship at times, sometimes we are in a secondary position, closeted, or more hushed in our lifestyle w/ poly but that doesn’t mean the supportive friendship ground work isnt there.

I have found that kind of connection only a few times. And even fewer was it able to be a relationship of more than friends like I longed for.

I can’t say dating is easy by any means. But I think building meaningful friendships in itself feels more impossible these days.

Sex is great but i wan an intimacy that isn’t strickly sexual and I want that with people I can invest deeply in and know they feel it too by the effort they make to return it.

May 23, 2018 0

Laying in bed with my love.

He wanted to talk, catch up. Its Been such a crazy week. And being apart for 4days wasn’t easy. I shared a song that made me think of him this week. Shared parts of converstions, thoughts and emotions. Did my homework for Monday’s appoinemnt, and just spent time together.

We are in such a better place together now. And this week has been a test to all the changes we have made.

I think the most touching thing said tonight,

“You told me your scared, but i am too, im happy to see you eyes sparkle again, i know you’ve miss him. But remeber the break up didnt just effect you alone last time, so yes im scared too.”

I cant ask for a more loving supportive husband. Our crazy life is never short of a realty tv show. He listens to my happiness, and comforts my sadness. Celebrates my joys and protects my broken peices.

April 14, 2018 0

11pm at night an email conversation, im set up for phone call tomorrow, (a sunday) to start talking to a therpist. I’m not struggling, or at risk. Our new benifits allow a new approach to mental health and im being proactive. I have a few things i know i need to tackle, and im ready to work on those. So, far this approach has warmed my heart how they do things and my options. For the first time in my life i dont feel asking for help is a negative. And THAT is how mental health should be.

January 14, 2018 0

But she said, where’d you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
I’m not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts
Some superhero
Some fairytale bliss
Just something I can turn to
Somebody I can kiss

something just like this -coldplay and chainsmokers

June 10, 2017 0

Everyones poly looks different.
Im married, my poly has hierarchy structure.
Some do, some dont.

I never want to cross a line in someone else marriage. I respect their marriage and personal boundaries.

Please dont let NRE make a mess of things.
Communcation and consent

June 10, 2017 0

Hubby… wants this as his wedding ring tattoo. We have talked about doing them for a long time. His linenof work rings are dangerous. Recently he said he wants the poly symbol. Its been apart of our life for a long time. The eternity & heart alone means a lot, but the double meaning brings me to tears. my love, loves me whole, unconditionally and i couldnt ask for a better life partner.

March 27, 2017 0

My ♘

I dont talk about my primary live partner often but he and i have been together 15 years and I have been poly for maybe 8 years. He is mono by his choice.

We talked alot over the years about how i have always been poly but never understood or knew it was a possibility or even healthy.

We haven’t told the kids yet. Mainly because failed monogamy in my teen years is what i feel helped me understand what i want and need.

As for dating…. I had a long term 3 yr thing that ended last march… Nothings stuck since

one thing that has stuck I love my lion with every fiber of my body and soul. He has taught me. Unconditional love like no other.

February 12, 2017 0

Changes and current events

So I was sorta seeing someone for about a month. Will call him (WM-boy). He got WAY more attached then I and well, it super complicated things. He was younger than i, by more than I should have a tempted to date. And his life goals and drive where completely non-existent. My life has so much drive, demand, chaos, he just was too damn needy for me. We still text for now. But the physical is over.

Last night pop had to go to ER. COPD complacations. Hes being kept and treated should be fine. I was there till 330a alone with pop. Kids and hubby asleep at home. And WM-BOY despite breaking up the same fucking day, texted with me until I got home safely. That’s the kind of care I want in a BF. I just need someone who’s trying to thrive in life not sitting having tea with depression until they have someone else to have tea with. *sigh*

As for “eyes”, no contact all weekend…. Monday is half over and I got nothing. BFF says let it go if I don’t hear from him by end of day monday. And I won’t lie not texting him sucks. I kinda saw way more potential there than I probably should have. *sigh*

Guess that mean I’m mono, for now. And that’s fine too. He and I have spent small chunks of time being playful and *in* love. Even our teens are grossed out by our love. Hehe.

I expect this week to be crazy. We shale see.
💙

September 12, 2016 0

Coffee?

I have been feeling low self confidence. And fighting a cold, Gained some weight back, feeling crummy. While talking to this new guy 3 days now (will call him eyes) I shared that my 10am meeting got pushed back to 11a

Eyes told me his 10-11a canceled

I never put myself out there to be shot down but I said fuck it and text

“Damn that would be a good time to meet for coffee if I wasn’t just getting over a cold”

Eyes reply :“We could still, I don’t care about colds It’s not like we will be making out”

My heart does a high dive back flip into my stomach. Did I just get accepted? And he wants a friendship first. Sweet!

Eyes asked “starbucks?”

“Definitely but you’ll have to be a little more specific there’s like 500 of them bad boys” as I laughed out loud in walmart. I was there buying make up. Trying to pick up my own self esteem but damn eyes accepting my invite put a pep in my step and a spark in my smile.

We set up to meet at 10a, I picked a small box starbucks w/ only patio seating. Makes for less awkward inside or outside choices and open air and sunlight.

Fix my hair, make up, and out the door.
*forgets anxiety meds & hard candy*

Talk to my BFF on the way
“Omg I’m going to coffee with hot guy”
Safety convo like normal and I let her go.

He pulls in, I knew it was him. I wait for him to get to the patio. He looks so confused by the no inside only walk up window. It’s a cute look on him. He’s wearing the same shirt as the picture he sent me. I walk up and he opens his arms to hug me. Like an old friend he hasn’t seen in a while. *giggles* Warm hug exchanged. And we order drinks.

I was raised going Dutch is the right thing to do. But I order my drink pull out my sbux card and he adds his drink to.the order and pays. This sends my mind spinning. I am so not used to this. He gave them his name for the order. I just smiled.

We sit down and talk. He seems so relaxed like he’s known me forever. I’m a ball of nerves. He gets both our drinks when the barista calls him.

He put his phone face down, listens to me babble about my kids & family. His eyes peirce me but I want to just stare. He’s so handsome in person. I wanted to touch him. 1040a I had to go to catch my 11a appointment I so didn’t want to leave.. I could have spent the whole day with him.

He walks towards the parking lot telling me how great it was to meet me. Hugs me and tells me “I’d kiss you but your still getting over that cold” *splash goes the heart again* “ya I don’t need to share my cooties with ya” I laughingly respond.

I think this high will last the day. I’m gunna try to just enjoy it. Because this could be awesome.

Eyes and I started talking 9/6 he is in a open marriage 15yrs 2 kids this could work out well. But is this another too good to be true again? Also local dating is new always been long distance and it sounds like his wife likes the idea of meeting and handing out with the others partners only time will tell

September 9, 2016 0