Tag: married and dating

Today was a monday that I cant say i saw coming.

My day started out with texts that My daughter was in early stages of labor. I got up and left town in 30 min to make the 2hr drive to her, shes 2 weeks early, and today my baby girl, gave birth to her first child. a healthy baby boy 6lb 11oz, 19inches . She did amazing, and impressed me how much shes grown in 9mths..

💙💚💛💙💚💛

Parenting makes weird full circles when grandkids come around. I am Nonna, an name close to my own heart. And i think shes gunna be a fantastic Momma bear

💙💚💛💙💚💛

I also had a more, in-depth, lengthy conversation with someone today. Someone, i honestly didnt think i would cross paths with again. I’m not sure if Im more shocked😮, or scared of being hurt again😞. BUT the excitement is welcomed and was honestly missed. 😶😏☺

With the many different directions my 2018 has gone in such a short time, I can’t even pretend to have an idea what lays ahead. But im excited, and kinda 🦋butterflies and dare i say bumblebees 🐝😂🤣😂

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And like that….

Mr. Mom has ghosted.

Cant say I really care. He was showing very narcissistic traits, and his story was changing.

I didnt go all in, hell i left with more than i came with, and it was an easy cash out too.

The excitement was fun. While it lasted.

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I Can’t drive a stick shift.

Is an on going joke among my close friends/family. I’ll explain more why this matters in a momment.

While it is a fact, despite all my “man cards” I can not drive a stick shift smoothly. First gear is so damn hard for me. While The other gears are smooth, like i know what im doing, i just cant get it down. It stalls out, or is a rough transition.

Oddly enough this metaphorically applies to my dating life in the most accurate of ways.

Therapist and I have worked out a lot of over whelming feelings. He tells me i have myself on the right tack, now to get back into connecting with people. That i need to reinvest in my poly life, human connection platonic or otherwise, its a self investment to move past the fear of being hurt again…

So i did. I went out had fun.

Then i get a random message from someone local on Open Minded. Sweet new people. So we chat. We shall call him Mr.Mom for right now. Busy cheer dad with 4 kids and strongly supports wifes career.

We chat, i wanna go slow, we meet for coffee and i tell myself slow, I tell my circle that i see potential but i dont wanna get excited… they laugh.. because i can’t drive a stick.

First gear, slow, isnt in my normal range. I kinda click or i dont.

With some one on one, alone time, on the calender sunday….. i think we just moved to 3rd gear in a grind’em till You find them kinda of way…

I set out to start that one foot at a time approach to getting my feet wet but i think i just took the diving board.

C’est la vie

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Canceled then Stood up

Satruday i wasnt in any frame of mind to people, however I had plans. So while texting this guy around 10a to work out plans for 6p i fianlly hear back at 2p that he had a family emergency. No worries i totally understand. We cancel Saturday eveing. A small win for me as i didnt feel like my heart was ready to people.

So monday, my eveing plans changed leaving me wide open in schedualing so i texted him and offered my open schedual to him.

Sure! Where? When? Okay i can head over about 645p.

I get to the restaurant at 650p because im always early.

I texted at 7:09p “im here but just waiting in my car enjoying the rain txt me when you get here”

7:25p- “did something come up?”

8p *all messages unread*

“Im not sure what happened. You said you be out the door about 645p and i get life happens, but i got no communcation either… ive been here an hour im gonna head home, grab my drink and get comfy for the night. Maybe we can try again another time”

I have no clue what happened. But i dont have time in my life for flakes or fakes.

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Meeting Somone New

Made plans to meet up with someone new, not to new, someone who was going through some relationship losses and heart healing and we made plans for Saturday. super casual thing set up. We both could use some fresh air, conversation and a beer. Im always a nervous wreck before meeting people, regardless of the intentions.

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Adorably blindsided…

“Would you go with me to the skating rink?”

How old am I? How cute is that.

Kindly put that on hold, i know my hearts not ready to mingle yet.

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I recently this year came out as poly to a handfull of people. Our daughter, a few more friends, and more public in general. in a converstion i expressed this thought. forgive me if peices are missing. With that thought in the image above. We live in a world that tells us, to tell people how we feel because tomorrow is never promised…

Yet newer relationships.. we are afraid to say I love you, especially afraid to say it first, in fear of scaring the other person off, because love is huge. Some how love has gotten paired with other words like always and forever that loving someone now is scary. however, Love is non transactional. Just because one person feels that way, it does not hold the other person to an obligation to say it back. while we feel our best when we are loved in return, it still not an obligation to feel that way in return. grated it can feel like you’ve been handed a fragile heart, but honesty is all you can offer, maybe you dont LOVE them but like them beyond words. that is your feelings. If they feel love for another person, then they should freely be able to express that love, it doesn’t always mean forever, love doesn’t mean marriage, love has sooo many different types and phases of love To tell someone you love them is just a much larger complement than telling them “hey I really like that top on you it brings out your eyes” “i really like spending time with you”, “i really appreciate and value our time together” to tell someone you love them is much like a compliment to them and an expression of anothers feelings. we cannot control our feelings but we can control our actions. our feelings are valid. im not saying the minute NRE has you in a whirlwind of butterflies and bubbles blurt out I love you, but really think about you feelings and express with honesty and no obligation other than honesty and respect back…

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🐝 & ♘

♘> hes so stressed. We have a gut feeling the company he works for is sinking. We had one buckle under us with no notice just poof no job one Monday morning, so seeing this scares the fuck out of him. Hes done with the heat. Hes done with the crew. So hes finally going to persue an offer for a huge merging company who his BFF works for, this could be better benifits, more pay, and sun/monday would be his weekends.
I personallyhate change so im scared.
We had a rough start on our hike Saturday morning but the day improved, had his friends over some beers and some really good US time. I know his mind will be on this job change thing this week. Plus temps 105-113*f this week expected. So hes gunna be beat.

🐝> His Life’s been pulling him in so many directions. But he still finds time for the non-verbal communication. ( tagging me in a sweet Tumblr posts, checking mine, short quick texts, Ww/F turns, goodnights texts or posts) and that means so much to me. More than i can explain. Its small but priceless effort to let me know im still on your mind like your on mine. 17 days since our last date, i miss him like crazy. He improves my mood, makes me smile, and calms my mind with ease. We both have crazy busy lives (mines quieted a lot with 2/4 kids moved out) so im learning more patients. My walls are coming down. Im not sure if thats a good idea yet.

On a side note. My ex bf 🗼 keeps poking his head on social media, and random hi’s but nothings changed he still cant hold a conversation to where i feel he gives a fuck when asked “how are you?”

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My legs are weak, my fire is re lit, my heart is happy, what am amazing night. And im beyond words thankful for my metamor having the idea. I dont wanna change thier lifestyle, i just wanna spend time with him and so few understand that.

Im so in shock, its been so long since i felt the magic chemistry brings to the table.
7.14.17🐝

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