I met Wolf online on whisper app. We talked about dom/sub lifestyles. And chatted and played the form of a long distance relationship for 21mths. Finally July 2016 for my 30th birthday I drove to sf to be with him for the weekend! I never knew his real name. We saw each other 2 additional weekends before I pulled away. I got far more attached than he was and it was leaving me less than satisfied. March of 2017 was or last weekend together. We speak but rare. He was the best Dom for me. This was written about my first visit.

The days leading up to this weekend, I wrestled my inner demons. The need for Control, the need for facts and details about him, I share a lot, I felt safe but I knew so little about Him. “Do I even know him?” “what the hell am I doing?” I know I find comfort in being in control and being in the know, in the past I always had a friendship to fall back on. Leeds me to wonder if I was walking into something dangerous. But he took time to listen to me vent and talked to me through some of the biggest changes in the past 2 years. I knew things could go badly, but I also knew that I also felt safe; the mind is my worst enemy most days.
The drive to San Francisco was space, Freeing me from the kids and my normal life. Songs I had listen to many times before were dancing on new thoughts. I felt adventurous and more myself. Less of “Lil man mom”, “hubby’s wife’s ”, “the girls step mom” I felt like me. What was me… 4 years ago was the last time had found myself like this. Who am I, because submissive me has only ventured out a few times. But being submissive I felt most powerful.
Saturday night was the first time I slept in 3 days, I woke at 7am. Well rested. I started to question what I was doing but stopped myself, I was in San Francisco, it’s done. I had set my phone down after checking again that the messages were not received/read yet so that meant he was not yet back. Warmed my coffee and snuggled back in to the bed finding the warm spot I had just left. The cracking whip ringtone goes off and the white light on my phone tells me that it’s a message from him. My heart sinks with fear while flutters with excitement.
Told to get showered and report back. The back of my mind races but I play some music and focus on the lyrics to shut my brain up.
Lay out supplies and email my routine…
“what routine? My daily.. no that not what he means. I don’t have a routine, I live a very basic lifestyle. Only 2 of the things in this box are things I use regularly and alone I can finish in under 5 min.”

Things laid out
He understood when I told him I don’t have a routine and my next orders are given
“Now I want you waiting for me sitting on the bed blindfolded door ajar Do Not disturb sign on.”
I asked again if we could have a safe word. My comfort zone shatters when I am told no. to the point I almost cried, I feared the unknown, and I don’t know him on a personal level, I felt so vulnerable. If at any point I felt broken this weekend, this was it. As I waited, the quiet poked at me, I focused on my breathing and kept my mind as silent as possible, he hadn’t even arrived and I felt like a pile of shattered broken pieces.
The door opens and I hear him enter, Setting things down, the sounds each item made or the movements made as he moved around the room sounded as if they were through loud amplifiers they echoed in my mind.
His voice reassured me it matched what I had heard on KIK. The first touch wasn’t a grab or sexual grope but a caress. However I felt as though I was going to jump out of my skin when touched. “im proud of you pet” was shocking to hear. I felt as though I had done nothing yet to hear that, much less deserve those words. It felt warm and reassuring. A few more soft touched and my ability to breath became less labored. He then grabbed my shoulder with a firm grip and I was reminded you were in control, and I wanted to do everything asked of me right. I didn’t want to know what his frim side was like if I disappointed him, he gave me a safe word, and that felt like a gift in itself. The value in it alone, felt like glue to the pieces I was in. I was also assured I wouldn’t need it, and in the moment I thought ya right.
He placed the restraints on my wrist. I laid face down in the bed trying hard to remeber to breathe And when doing so, I didn’t fell restricted, but free. Typing this out sounds weird but feeling that way made since to me. I found the cuffs quickly became a security blanket. My mind was no longer going to have a say in anything. And when my sassy side would try to escape they would remind me of my place.
He took time to talk to me. The kind words of approval, complements, and soft patient voice, made me want nothing more than to do my best to please him. He was slow, and patient with me when I was told to get to my knees I wasn’t left to blindly figure it out maneuvering around cuffed and blindfolded to the floor. I was guided. Softness received only added to my want to please him in return.
While on my knees I was informed of how to answer yes or no questions and quickly noted this was how I would be sharing my limits. As I was asked them most where easy yes or no questions, some had more layers to them parts I felt needed explaining, but given no choice to explain had to be answered with a yes or a no. Some questions I wanted you to ask but others I wanted to avoid as they made me think to much. And my physical response from anxiety (dry mouth) was making me self-conscious enough
When I was asked if my knees were okay again I felt as though pieces where being put back together. The softness and care mattered to me, far more than I expected. I got that in different ways before, from knowing my other Dom for so long. But to be asked was like a warm touchless hug.
When I was helped to my feet he to care to know balance might escape me. But when he pushed me to the wall my knees became weak, I was immediately turned on, with so much feeling positive and negative running thought me I would have never thought I would reach that so fast.
He knew his way around my body far better than I felt I knew my body, not one touch landed wrong, and each one left me wanting more. He choose to use the plug something I hadn’t used in a LONG time and gave up on due to bad past experiences. He reminded me to breath as holding my breath is a habit of mine, it excited me far more than I expected it too. Quiet and holding my breath are two habbits I have I’ve always had to be quiet during sex.
The blindfold had worked its way off and while I wanted to see your face I kept my eyes closed until he told me it was fine. I didn’t want to disappoint him. A feeling foreign to me
When I was told to ride, and I was facing him.. he grabbed my throat. Fear passed for a moment. And I was more excited and turned on in those moments than any other that day, I edged orgasm the whole time his hands were holding my throat. I pushed towards his hands as the pleasure would peak I would lean away ever so slightly, letting it escape me, riding him and the waves of pleasure.

I never thought sleep would come when he mentioned a nap, but I too fell asleep rather quickly. But every move he made I would wake quickly. I didn’t watch him like he joked about. I laid with him more eager to know what would be next, with my eyes closed and my mind OFF for a change. .
He talked to me like a friend, yet held me comforting me. I wanted to hear everything he would say, texting him.. he was a man of so few words, this was new and exciting to me.
My pain level was tested when he spanked me. Before when he removed the plug I enjoyed it. But after swat after swat landing the same raw spot it hurt. But was truing me on. He talked to me to keep my out of my head. He read my body and saw how I would react to internally defuse the pain and took that when he made me on hook my feet . He wanted to hear me. And I got to the point where I couldn’t stay quiet. I was sexually turned on and edging tears. The sassy me wanted to mouth off when you would pinch me I hate being pinched but the feelings it would contrast with the spanking was so weird to me and I knew if I sassed him my ass would get far more than I could take. I oddly hoped for marks to be left. And any photos he might have taken would have been for my personal enjoyment
He had to go get things at his home handled. But I didn’t want him to go. I could have been at that all day. Sexual anything for more than an hour I have always lost interest, and that day the only thing I lost was track of time. I felt sexy, pretty, girly, wanted the way I did Sunday. All new to feel about myself. Been a long 4 years of missing that level of self-confidence.
When he told me to get dressed we would walk to get dinner I was shocked. I don’t know his arrangement in the
Detials.. Is it open like mine, or a don’t ask don’t tell. I respect both I just don’t know and wonder. But to know I was in his neighborhood and he was okay to walk with me and be in public was unexpected. I guess I expected to be a secret hidden away. Walking and talking was so nice. Like he said much like a backwards date, but it was just wat I needed. I didn’t feel used or paid for, it felt more like a friendship, and that’s what always gave me comfort in the past.
I looked forward to him coming back. And was slightly bummed but I fully understood why. Bummed not because I wanted more but because I wanted to give more in return. I wanted to serve more.
I didn’t get to see him before I left that morning, I drove around town for a while before leaving san fran because I was enjoying the freeing feeling, or the HIGH I was on. I knew I wanted to do that again but didn’t know if he was pleased and if I had earned it. Monday I could have blown his phone up with messages, I was beyond grateful. But I didn’t want to confuse it with clingy. Windows down music up I found songs that matched my high and I enjoyed the drive back with a smile on my face that remains today when I think about the weekend.