“Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you’re in love or you’re partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don’t know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something.”
— (via bl-ossomed)
Two texts that made my heart happy today….
- “I’m happy that I found you…you are introducing me into something I wouldn’t have thought about trying ever…but I like your personality and how you think. I like how we flow and just get along…its been a really long time since I’ve had that…its refreshing and nice!I love what we have and what we are building!!I’m lucky to have you.”
- “I have a bad habit of staring lol I cant help it though, someone as beautiful and amazing as you!! 😊😚”
💗My heart is so happy💗
Holy shit
6.3.18
A successful date with someone I have been talking too. We got to meet up for wings.
His transparency leaves me in shock. And feels like a trap because it’s so refreshing.
We met up for a early dinner as he as a early riser for work. My anxiety was high like normal but I calmed down after a while. After lots of rambling. I am at a point I’ll just spill my drama and crazy life and if people wanna stick around I’ll be shocked. He doesn’t seem bothered by my crazy. Only big down fall, hes never done polyamory before. That scares me a bit. Just due to my own past. But everyone’s different. He asked questions and legitimately listens.
I’d like to see where this goes. Keeping my hands to myself was hard because his hug made me weak in the knees. We fit together in the hug so well I could get lost.
Time will tell.
I Can’t drive a stick shift.
Is an on going joke among my close friends/family. I’ll explain more why this matters in a momment.
While it is a fact, despite all my “man cards” I can not drive a stick shift smoothly. First gear is so damn hard for me. While The other gears are smooth, like i know what im doing, i just cant get it down. It stalls out, or is a rough transition.
Oddly enough this metaphorically applies to my dating life in the most accurate of ways.
Therapist and I have worked out a lot of over whelming feelings. He tells me i have myself on the right tack, now to get back into connecting with people. That i need to reinvest in my poly life, human connection platonic or otherwise, its a self investment to move past the fear of being hurt again…
So i did. I went out had fun.
Then i get a random message from someone local on Open Minded. Sweet new people. So we chat. We shall call him Mr.Mom for right now. Busy cheer dad with 4 kids and strongly supports wifes career.
We chat, i wanna go slow, we meet for coffee and i tell myself slow, I tell my circle that i see potential but i dont wanna get excited… they laugh.. because i can’t drive a stick.
First gear, slow, isnt in my normal range. I kinda click or i dont.
With some one on one, alone time, on the calender sunday….. i think we just moved to 3rd gear in a grind’em till You find them kinda of way…
I set out to start that one foot at a time approach to getting my feet wet but i think i just took the diving board.
C’est la vie
Current update
So i had that awesome coffee date turn dinner. We shall call him WILTON..until a better nickname sticks. we clicked sooo well. Im mind blown how nervous i was going, but i walked in saw him. Hugged and we started talking all my nervousness was gone. I was transparent shared my IG with him so his wifey could scope me out. I dont want waves or to be a thorn in anyones side.
well… something pulled the plug on things until they feels they are stable. I bowed down, nothing personal i get it. I kinda saw it coming. Just sucked we clicked so well.
As for Tower and I.
I had a few issues. NRE prematurely died, somethings needed addressed and i needed to express my dislikes. I suck at communication when emotional so i typed a long , organized my thoughts and shared. Took me days to do so i didnt expect an answer. Only time and physically showing me he got what i meant would change things.
I have more transparency now from him, hes going through a lot, his lifes been a little messy, but sees how important effort is for me, for us.
Today we talked, cuddles and re connected. I feel a lot better. We shall see whay transpires from here.
Bestie & hubby are over Tower and I. They feel hes spread to thin and i deserve more than he can give. But they support my choices to see what comes from change.
Hubby and i are well. Hes been fallowing my kink blog and has learned a few need tricks. Hes super supportive of a 4 day trip im fixing to take with sis. We are good. And i like when we are good!
Happy heart for the moment
Perpetual Commotion 