Tag: nre

Today was a monday that I cant say i saw coming.

My day started out with texts that My daughter was in early stages of labor. I got up and left town in 30 min to make the 2hr drive to her, shes 2 weeks early, and today my baby girl, gave birth to her first child. a healthy baby boy 6lb 11oz, 19inches . She did amazing, and impressed me how much shes grown in 9mths..

💙💚💛💙💚💛

Parenting makes weird full circles when grandkids come around. I am Nonna, an name close to my own heart. And i think shes gunna be a fantastic Momma bear

💙💚💛💙💚💛

I also had a more, in-depth, lengthy conversation with someone today. Someone, i honestly didnt think i would cross paths with again. I’m not sure if Im more shocked😮, or scared of being hurt again😞. BUT the excitement is welcomed and was honestly missed. 😶😏☺

With the many different directions my 2018 has gone in such a short time, I can’t even pretend to have an idea what lays ahead. But im excited, and kinda 🦋butterflies and dare i say bumblebees 🐝😂🤣😂

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I Can’t drive a stick shift.

Is an on going joke among my close friends/family. I’ll explain more why this matters in a momment.

While it is a fact, despite all my “man cards” I can not drive a stick shift smoothly. First gear is so damn hard for me. While The other gears are smooth, like i know what im doing, i just cant get it down. It stalls out, or is a rough transition.

Oddly enough this metaphorically applies to my dating life in the most accurate of ways.

Therapist and I have worked out a lot of over whelming feelings. He tells me i have myself on the right tack, now to get back into connecting with people. That i need to reinvest in my poly life, human connection platonic or otherwise, its a self investment to move past the fear of being hurt again…

So i did. I went out had fun.

Then i get a random message from someone local on Open Minded. Sweet new people. So we chat. We shall call him Mr.Mom for right now. Busy cheer dad with 4 kids and strongly supports wifes career.

We chat, i wanna go slow, we meet for coffee and i tell myself slow, I tell my circle that i see potential but i dont wanna get excited… they laugh.. because i can’t drive a stick.

First gear, slow, isnt in my normal range. I kinda click or i dont.

With some one on one, alone time, on the calender sunday….. i think we just moved to 3rd gear in a grind’em till You find them kinda of way…

I set out to start that one foot at a time approach to getting my feet wet but i think i just took the diving board.

C’est la vie

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My legs are weak, my fire is re lit, my heart is happy, what am amazing night. And im beyond words thankful for my metamor having the idea. I dont wanna change thier lifestyle, i just wanna spend time with him and so few understand that.

Im so in shock, its been so long since i felt the magic chemistry brings to the table.
7.14.17🐝

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But she said, where’d you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
I’m not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts
Some superhero
Some fairytale bliss
Just something I can turn to
Somebody I can kiss

something just like this -coldplay and chainsmokers
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Everyones poly looks different.
Im married, my poly has hierarchy structure.
Some do, some dont.

I never want to cross a line in someone else marriage. I respect their marriage and personal boundaries.

Please dont let NRE make a mess of things.
Communcation and consent

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I didnt know what to expect. This weekend felt like a little distance was taking place. Tower has NRE with another gal right now too. Im happy for him. I know how NRE can help depression and drive. I just was worried it would cause ours to fizz out faster.

Today was our little get away. I rented a car grabbed him and we headed 2hrs to san fran. The weather said rain and cold was to be expected. It rained like hell on the way to san fran. Once arrived wow it was a beautiful day.
Some sight seeing and off to to the science meauem. What a wonderful day.
Sat by the ocean for a bit even snuggled.
Dinner at the SAME restaurant chain our first dinner out (the night he met hubby) technically our first solo dinner date.
The hotel is an adorable cottage like place. The whole trip has been amazing.
Now for snuggles.

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The L word

I dont use red hearts emoji any color but red because to me it means a speical kind of love. The kinda love i have only had with my hubby. The only kind of love that has lasted in my life. I have been hurt so many times.

Yet i can love more than one person, been poly 8 yrs and truly ever loved 2 out side of my lion.

This summer someone latched on while feeling NRE and *fell in love* with me and got jealousof my kids and hubby. He went bye bye real quick. I dont have time for that or to explain how unhealthy that even is. Im married, and happy. And that isnt fucking changing.

Tower and I are fireworks and butterflies. Thanks NRE. Now i think we are dancing around that word. And i told him that word bothers me. But we never got into why.

Today while with bff she asked “what if on ur trip he says he loves you, are you gunna dump him and run?” No!

But i dont know that i can say it back because so many times in my life i tell someone i love then and i lose them. The feelings might be there but the label of loving them makes me fearful of possibly being hurt.

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