I got this necklace from my besties hubby. It says I love you in it 100 ways…He got her and I each one. Yes I said her hubby. They know I’m poly. And while I have no romantic or sexual relationship with either of them we often joke we are in a non sexual triad.

I saw what he planned to get her for Christmas on sale and sent him the link he send me money on FB and told me to snag it for him. Its just one of the many ways we work as a team.

Her hubby drives truck long haul. And the days he is gone I am besties over half. She doesn’t drive so errands and what not i help with when he is gone. I mean time with bestie and errands it’s not really a chore🤣. When her hubby is in town I kinda leave them be to enjoy what little time they have.

He and I get in depth talks on credit repair, how to maximize purchasing powers &rebate programs, how we handle people who need to be told how to do their jobs in the most elegant f**k off letters, science, insurance, stocks. we jive.

When the 3 of us hang out it’s full body laughter, the kind that makes me cry I’m laughing to hard. Good deep though convos, roasting each other. It’s just amazing. They spend Thanksgiving with me annually and it’s a tradition I enjoy.

I just smile and laugh because anyone who knows us, knows how well the 3 of us roll. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m loved while not the crazy kink & sex filled life people think polyamory is all about. I am loved.

December 4, 2018 0

Blunt but honest

Someone I’ve been talking with we’ve expressed interest in wanting more. I was so blunt and honest. Which was a breath of fresh air for me .

What i said was

“Speaking bluntly. The only resistance or hesitation you will find is my own insecurities from old wounds, Otherwise I’m very interested, im looking forward to getting to know you more and working our way that direction. As for boundaries, I dont know that they are boundaries per se, I date. I dont do hookups. My wounds are people being all talk, sweet & sappy, only to want the physical parts. I give my poly relationships the same respect, and honesty and effort as a traditional relationship. I expect that returned.

I’m not one to be as blunt as i should be but i was tonight. I guess I’m really done with how things have been and I’m trying really hard to be the change i wanna see in my own life.

September 21, 2018 0

I left my comfort zone and went to a comedy improve show. The special guest was an ex partner of mine but our friendship has become more stable in where we stand, I wanted to go to show my support.

His eyes always light up when he sees me, everytime since we broke up, and that has always made me feel special. That spark missing was one of the reason we broke up just about a year ago. It’s a rare thing to me. I dont feel that special or that someone is that happy to see me. The last few times I’ve seen that spark It makes me feel so special.

I laughed a lot, didnt even come put of my skin when my name was said.. . I had beer.. which I don’t normally drink. And I really enjoyed myself. I knew when I left it was the right time to leave I didnt need to be getting comfortable and drunk in that situation. My head need be clearly on my shoulders.

I didn’t feel completely out cast like I normally do. They are very much his people but for the first time ever among his people, I didnt feel like an outsider looking in.

July 2, 2018 0

Lesson

Someone taught me a lesson I hold dear to my heart.

Love is non- transactional, we can love people and say we love them and while it feels safe and good to have that vulnerability and emotions returned it’s not required. And we shouldn’t fear feeling that amazing emotion.

Tonight the word love was used in a context that would normal scare me out the door running. But I just smiled and pulled him closer and kissed him. I told him he makes my heart very happy.

June 17, 2018 0

Honestly Happy

Tonight things worked out to spend time together. I was so giddy just to see him. (Him needs a nick-name) We met up at round table and laughed like old friends. A comfort and familiarity that I shouldn’t have yet.

We went back to his place for 3 hrs. Snuggled and I wished I could have stayed the whole night there. He insisted on walking me out when I left, and again ‘text me when you get home safe’

I’m so dumbfounded by him. Like where has this amazing human been all this time, why couldn’t I have met him sooner? But for now I will simply enjoy that our paths are intertwined now. And enjoy the time I have with him. Because he makes me feel beautiful, valued, appreciated, and special.

6.16.18

June 17, 2018 0

Out to all the kids

My oldest daughter was the last to know. Because she didnt live here when we came out to her sister, and with her moving back home she needed to know why mom went out more than before.

She said she knew in high school but was shocked it’s been 10+ years of poly.

She was so okay with it and said she’s so glad that her dad and I find something that works for us. She said if more people could talk about there needs openly, more people would be happier. ( hell ya shes been listening to me all these years after all)

June 17, 2018 0

ladyvean:

“Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you’re in love or you’re partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don’t know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something.”

— (via bl-ossomed)

June 13, 2018 0

6.12.18

I feel so much better after the convo. It’s good to see the effort fallow through physically, and I was honest about my personal anxieties. he listened and understood, Feeling understood and not told, or made to feel like I’m too clingy, needy or sappy is a very comforting change. The feelings are openly expressed as mutual.

I’m excited and happy. Being he’s never done polyamory before, I’m letting him decide what hes comfortable with. But as long as the effort stays I will continue to be impressed, consistency.

I’m still smiling from ear to ear.

June 13, 2018 0

Two texts that made my heart happy today….

“I’m happy that I found you…you are introducing me into something I wouldn’t have thought about trying ever…but I like your personality and how you think. I like how we flow and just get along…its been a really long time since I’ve had that…its refreshing and nice!I love what we have and what we are building!!I’m lucky to have you.”
“I have a bad habit of staring lol I cant help it though, someone as beautiful and amazing as you!! 😊😚”

💗My heart is so happy💗

June 6, 2018 0

Holy shit

6.3.18

A successful date with someone I have been talking too. We got to meet up for wings.

His transparency leaves me in shock. And feels like a trap because it’s so refreshing.

We met up for a early dinner as he as a early riser for work. My anxiety was high like normal but I calmed down after a while. After lots of rambling. I am at a point I’ll just spill my drama and crazy life and if people wanna stick around I’ll be shocked. He doesn’t seem bothered by my crazy. Only big down fall, hes never done polyamory before. That scares me a bit. Just due to my own past. But everyone’s different. He asked questions and legitimately listens.

I’d like to see where this goes. Keeping my hands to myself was hard because his hug made me weak in the knees. We fit together in the hug so well I could get lost.

Time will tell.

June 4, 2018 0