Adorably blindsided…
“Would you go with me to the skating rink?”
How old am I? How cute is that.
Kindly put that on hold, i know my hearts not ready to mingle yet.
“Are you going out this week?” Asks my friend
“Nope, things aren’t okay on his side” I say
“what’s with you, your so understanding towards others” she thinks im on another dead end path
“Ive been there… Both sides actually” I shrug
“So you have a map you know how to make it work?” *i laugh*
“Everyone’s poly is different, and I’m not pushing anyone any direction.” I explained
Laughing she asked me “what is it about him? You learned with tower not to hold on to broken things. You learned memories tend to become sweeter than whats really going on with wolf. You should have feelers out for someone new before this ends and breaks you.”
*sigh* “it’s not like a toy. I dont just replace it with a new toy when its not working. I cant even say this isn’t working. I am still on cloud nine. The effort is being made that makes me feel valued and important. Nothing worth value is easy nor, is life ever fucking easy. For anyone, especially me. He still lights me up. Without a single touch. It’s kinda out of his control, I dont really wanna talk to new people… I’ll see it through whatever comes of it.”
But i will admit. It kinda sucks
*flash back* >Rabbit <
Every two days I had a blood draw. And as long as I skipped Wednesdays I had a better chance of seeing him. He was the best looking black man I had ever set eyes on. His smile made the room warm. He never missed my blood draws knew just how to get it. We chatted and more and more we connected. Until one day I gave him my number. Crazy and so unlike me but I’ve come to learn I do that when my heart goes swimming in my stomach.
He called. Our friendship grew. I wasn’t looking for a 2nd partner. I was getting over mr.starbucks, and eyes kinda on wolf. But Rabbit was close. Married *don’t ask don’t tell set up* he made time for me.
I went through my chemo the summer of 2013 he’d take his lunch breaks from the lab and come up & sit in the infusion rooms with me. Even gave the gals advice on what veins to port me. I call him rabbit because he was my Roger Rabbit. He called m hs Jessica Rabbit. *sigh*
He and hubby had even gone out for drinks together once. We only hooked up physically once, physically our relationship didn’t match. Friendship it rocked.
We kept in touch the best we could with my life moving forward post surgery and his falling apart with house, job, marriage, and kidney failure problems.
His facebook showed me a post his wife tagged him in. The day had come they had a kidney match. He was heading in for his kidney.
I work the next morning to the most crushing news. The surgery had failed. My friend was gone. And given the dynamic of our friendship there would be no services I could attend. With that post on my phone I cried. For days I read tagged post with goodbyes. It was a loss I wasn’t prepared for.
My jack of clubs, my rabbit, my friend. How your so missed. ❤ Jessica Rabbit
Perpetual Commotion 