Tag: polyam

I got this necklace from my besties hubby. It says I love you in it 100 ways…He got her and I each one. Yes I said her hubby. They know I’m poly. And while I have no romantic or sexual relationship with either of them we often joke we are in a non sexual triad.

I saw what he planned to get her for Christmas on sale and sent him the link he send me money on FB and told me to snag it for him. Its just one of the many ways we work as a team.

Her hubby drives truck long haul. And the days he is gone I am besties over half. She doesn’t drive so errands and what not i help with when he is gone. I mean time with bestie and errands it’s not really a chore🤣. When her hubby is in town I kinda leave them be to enjoy what little time they have.

He and I get in depth talks on credit repair, how to maximize purchasing powers &rebate programs, how we handle people who need to be told how to do their jobs in the most elegant f**k off letters, science, insurance, stocks. we jive.

When the 3 of us hang out it’s full body laughter, the kind that makes me cry I’m laughing to hard. Good deep though convos, roasting each other. It’s just amazing. They spend Thanksgiving with me annually and it’s a tradition I enjoy.

I just smile and laugh because anyone who knows us, knows how well the 3 of us roll. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m loved while not the crazy kink & sex filled life people think polyamory is all about. I am loved.

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Honestly Happy

Tonight things worked out to spend time together. I was so giddy just to see him. (Him needs a nick-name) We met up at round table and laughed like old friends. A comfort and familiarity that I shouldn’t have yet.

We went back to his place for 3 hrs. Snuggled and I wished I could have stayed the whole night there. He insisted on walking me out when I left, and again ‘text me when you get home safe’

I’m so dumbfounded by him. Like where has this amazing human been all this time, why couldn’t I have met him sooner? But for now I will simply enjoy that our paths are intertwined now. And enjoy the time I have with him. Because he makes me feel beautiful, valued, appreciated, and special.

6.16.18

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6.12.18

I feel so much better after the convo. It’s good to see the effort fallow through physically, and I was honest about my personal anxieties. he listened and understood, Feeling understood and not told, or made to feel like I’m too clingy, needy or sappy is a very comforting change. The feelings are openly expressed as mutual.

I’m excited and happy. Being he’s never done polyamory before, I’m letting him decide what hes comfortable with. But as long as the effort stays I will continue to be impressed, consistency.

I’m still smiling from ear to ear.

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6.11.18
It’s so so so hard to trust words, after being understanding before and still being hurt. So many times, told “i just told you that because I thought that’s what you wanted to hear”. Everyone is different. But the fear of repeating the past is hard to shake, scared but I also fully know my fears are unfairly placed. My past is not my present. The people are not the same. There is good in people, and realness… I might be scared but hopeful.

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When NRE is flying high, and I make sure to check in with hubby. The Compersion he feels for me makes me fall more in love with him… the circle of love

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Two texts that made my heart happy today….

  • “I’m happy that I found you…you are introducing me into something I wouldn’t have thought about trying ever…but I like your personality and how you think. I like how we flow and just get along…its been a really long time since I’ve had that…its refreshing and nice!I love what we have and what we are building!!I’m lucky to have you.”
  • “I have a bad habit of staring lol I cant help it though, someone as beautiful and amazing as you!! 😊😚”

💗My heart is so happy💗

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Holy shit

6.3.18

A successful date with someone I have been talking too. We got to meet up for wings.

His transparency leaves me in shock. And feels like a trap because it’s so refreshing.

We met up for a early dinner as he as a early riser for work. My anxiety was high like normal but I calmed down after a while. After lots of rambling. I am at a point I’ll just spill my drama and crazy life and if people wanna stick around I’ll be shocked. He doesn’t seem bothered by my crazy. Only big down fall, hes never done polyamory before. That scares me a bit. Just due to my own past. But everyone’s different. He asked questions and legitimately listens.

I’d like to see where this goes. Keeping my hands to myself was hard because his hug made me weak in the knees. We fit together in the hug so well I could get lost.

Time will tell.

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5.20.18

I got in a deep conversation with someone about what would be the ideal polyam relationship for me.

And thinking over the past ones. What each one brought me, how each one changed me, and help me grow.

I’d have to say I want the kind of polyam relationship that’s strongly rooted in friendship. Were you can be like best friends who can be physical w/o compermizing our marriages or other relationships. Who helps each other grow, vent, think through life problems, brain storm, dream up what ifs, cheers each other on, celebrates our wins with us and comforts our losses.

I get that often poly isn’t a full time relationship at times, sometimes we are in a secondary position, closeted, or more hushed in our lifestyle w/ poly but that doesn’t mean the supportive friendship ground work isnt there.

I have found that kind of connection only a few times. And even fewer was it able to be a relationship of more than friends like I longed for.

I can’t say dating is easy by any means. But I think building meaningful friendships in itself feels more impossible these days.

Sex is great but i wan an intimacy that isn’t strickly sexual and I want that with people I can invest deeply in and know they feel it too by the effort they make to return it.

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