Laying in bed with my love.

He wanted to talk, catch up. Its Been such a crazy week. And being apart for 4days wasn’t easy. I shared a song that made me think of him this week. Shared parts of converstions, thoughts and emotions. Did my homework for Monday’s appoinemnt, and just spent time together.

We are in such a better place together now. And this week has been a test to all the changes we have made.

I think the most touching thing said tonight,

“You told me your scared, but i am too, im happy to see you eyes sparkle again, i know you’ve miss him. But remeber the break up didnt just effect you alone last time, so yes im scared too.”

I cant ask for a more loving supportive husband. Our crazy life is never short of a realty tv show. He listens to my happiness, and comforts my sadness. Celebrates my joys and protects my broken peices.

April 14, 2018 0

Today was a monday that I cant say i saw coming.

My day started out with texts that My daughter was in early stages of labor. I got up and left town in 30 min to make the 2hr drive to her, shes 2 weeks early, and today my baby girl, gave birth to her first child. a healthy baby boy 6lb 11oz, 19inches . She did amazing, and impressed me how much shes grown in 9mths..

💙💚💛💙💚💛

Parenting makes weird full circles when grandkids come around. I am Nonna, an name close to my own heart. And i think shes gunna be a fantastic Momma bear

💙💚💛💙💚💛

I also had a more, in-depth, lengthy conversation with someone today. Someone, i honestly didnt think i would cross paths with again. I’m not sure if Im more shocked😮, or scared of being hurt again😞. BUT the excitement is welcomed and was honestly missed. 😶😏☺

With the many different directions my 2018 has gone in such a short time, I can’t even pretend to have an idea what lays ahead. But im excited, and kinda 🦋butterflies and dare i say bumblebees 🐝😂🤣😂

April 10, 2018 0

I say I love you

Its not always romantic love.

Tonight i got a call from someone who is both my ex and a super awesome friend. Phone calls between us are new. Its been letters mainly for years, As we ended our phone call i told him “love you bunches” and i didn’t think twice.

I could hear in his voice the shock to hear that & i know given his own situation. He likely hasnt heard that in a while. He stumbled & said love you too.

I do love a lot of people, in many different ways. Being auto immune is one of many factors that i think i tend to express my love for others more openly than most.

March 30, 2018 0

And like that….

Mr. Mom has ghosted.

Cant say I really care. He was showing very narcissistic traits, and his story was changing.

I didnt go all in, hell i left with more than i came with, and it was an easy cash out too.

The excitement was fun. While it lasted.

March 25, 2018 0

I Can’t drive a stick shift.

Is an on going joke among my close friends/family. I’ll explain more why this matters in a momment.

While it is a fact, despite all my “man cards” I can not drive a stick shift smoothly. First gear is so damn hard for me. While The other gears are smooth, like i know what im doing, i just cant get it down. It stalls out, or is a rough transition.

Oddly enough this metaphorically applies to my dating life in the most accurate of ways.

Therapist and I have worked out a lot of over whelming feelings. He tells me i have myself on the right tack, now to get back into connecting with people. That i need to reinvest in my poly life, human connection platonic or otherwise, its a self investment to move past the fear of being hurt again…

So i did. I went out had fun.

Then i get a random message from someone local on Open Minded. Sweet new people. So we chat. We shall call him Mr.Mom for right now. Busy cheer dad with 4 kids and strongly supports wifes career.

We chat, i wanna go slow, we meet for coffee and i tell myself slow, I tell my circle that i see potential but i dont wanna get excited… they laugh.. because i can’t drive a stick.

First gear, slow, isnt in my normal range. I kinda click or i dont.

With some one on one, alone time, on the calender sunday….. i think we just moved to 3rd gear in a grind’em till You find them kinda of way…

I set out to start that one foot at a time approach to getting my feet wet but i think i just took the diving board.

C’est la vie

March 10, 2018 0

Ouch

Not thinking, just agreed to go run an errand, no big deal. end up pulling into a location, didnt even cross my mind when kiddo said we were going there. Pull into the drive way, suddenly get flooded with memories of the last time i was here with an ex.

My heart hurts, it hasnt in a while, the way it does right now sucks, such good memories leave such a sting. Thankfully i was with someone i could be honest with and let it out.

February 8, 2018 0

11pm at night an email conversation, im set up for phone call tomorrow, (a sunday) to start talking to a therpist. I’m not struggling, or at risk. Our new benifits allow a new approach to mental health and im being proactive. I have a few things i know i need to tackle, and im ready to work on those. So, far this approach has warmed my heart how they do things and my options. For the first time in my life i dont feel asking for help is a negative. And THAT is how mental health should be.

January 14, 2018 0

Drinks, sang, laughed, and enjoied the night. Guy friends who accept our wants are different and still enjoy friendship are nice, hes a doll and we have future night out plans.

December 10, 2017 0

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought I was the only one-C.S. Lewis

It’s a comfort, near or far, to feel understood. To conversate with someone whom understands an emotion we feel. Happy, sad, glad, hurt, thankful, frustrated. Whatever emotion, to feel understood is a comfort because for that moment we dont feel alone.

I left my comfort zone. Because if we want something new and different, we have to try something new and different to achieve it. Change has never been very kind to me. And i cant say i like it in the slightest. But today was very different, yet familiar from a past situation. *vague topic i know* Even if a fluke and a false start so to say it made me smile, laugh and gave me comfort.

I think Im ready for some changes, so many have come this year unwanted and painful, shocking, and rattling. Let see what this one can bring. Who knows what crazy adventures i might find myself on. I know 28months ago i did the craziest thing ever, so much fun, self discovery and growth took place then… why not.

November 26, 2017 0

Failed APPS

MyFitnessPal……..FITBIT………Runkeeper

Just communcate with each other please..😑

This stuggle of communication with these 3 apps reminds me of poor poly communcation which makes me chuckle a little inside. 😂

JUST COMMUNICATE PLEASE😣

November 18, 2017 0