Blunt but honest

Someone I’ve been talking with we’ve expressed interest in wanting more. I was so blunt and honest. Which was a breath of fresh air for me .

What i said was

“Speaking bluntly. The only resistance or hesitation you will find is my own insecurities from old wounds, Otherwise I’m very interested, im looking forward to getting to know you more and working our way that direction. As for boundaries, I dont know that they are boundaries per se, I date. I dont do hookups. My wounds are people being all talk, sweet & sappy, only to want the physical parts. I give my poly relationships the same respect, and honesty and effort as a traditional relationship. I expect that returned.

I’m not one to be as blunt as i should be but i was tonight. I guess I’m really done with how things have been and I’m trying really hard to be the change i wanna see in my own life.

September 21, 2018 0

August 5, 2018 0

August 3, 2018 0

Another spontaneous night out till 3am. Spontaneity has bitten me again. And this time I’m simply wow-ed. Tonight unfolded odd. But when it came together it left me speechless.

He drove us to beal’s point, We walked 1130p from the camp grounds to the day use beaches of folsom lake, sat down by the waters edge enjoying the moon,Mars, the waters sounds &, talking for hours. I’m just impressed.
no bar or diner this time.. someone wanting to spend time with me & get to know me and someone who asks me questions & actually talks.
He snuggled in.
It was sweet, and special.
I’m looking forward to seeing where this adventure takes me.

August 1, 2018 0

Lesson

Someone taught me a lesson I hold dear to my heart.

Love is non- transactional, we can love people and say we love them and while it feels safe and good to have that vulnerability and emotions returned it’s not required. And we shouldn’t fear feeling that amazing emotion.

Tonight the word love was used in a context that would normal scare me out the door running. But I just smiled and pulled him closer and kissed him. I told him he makes my heart very happy.

June 17, 2018 0

Honestly Happy

Tonight things worked out to spend time together. I was so giddy just to see him. (Him needs a nick-name) We met up at round table and laughed like old friends. A comfort and familiarity that I shouldn’t have yet.

We went back to his place for 3 hrs. Snuggled and I wished I could have stayed the whole night there. He insisted on walking me out when I left, and again ‘text me when you get home safe’

I’m so dumbfounded by him. Like where has this amazing human been all this time, why couldn’t I have met him sooner? But for now I will simply enjoy that our paths are intertwined now. And enjoy the time I have with him. Because he makes me feel beautiful, valued, appreciated, and special.

6.16.18

June 17, 2018 0

Out to all the kids

My oldest daughter was the last to know. Because she didnt live here when we came out to her sister, and with her moving back home she needed to know why mom went out more than before.

She said she knew in high school but was shocked it’s been 10+ years of poly.

She was so okay with it and said she’s so glad that her dad and I find something that works for us. She said if more people could talk about there needs openly, more people would be happier. ( hell ya shes been listening to me all these years after all)

June 17, 2018 0

ladyvean:

“Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you’re in love or you’re partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don’t know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something.”

— (via bl-ossomed)

June 13, 2018 0

6.12.18

I feel so much better after the convo. It’s good to see the effort fallow through physically, and I was honest about my personal anxieties. he listened and understood, Feeling understood and not told, or made to feel like I’m too clingy, needy or sappy is a very comforting change. The feelings are openly expressed as mutual.

I’m excited and happy. Being he’s never done polyamory before, I’m letting him decide what hes comfortable with. But as long as the effort stays I will continue to be impressed, consistency.

I’m still smiling from ear to ear.

June 13, 2018 0

6.11.18
It’s so so so hard to trust words, after being understanding before and still being hurt. So many times, told “i just told you that because I thought that’s what you wanted to hear”. Everyone is different. But the fear of repeating the past is hard to shake, scared but I also fully know my fears are unfairly placed. My past is not my present. The people are not the same. There is good in people, and realness… I might be scared but hopeful.

June 11, 2018 0