polyamorous – Page 2 – Perpetual Commotion

Two texts that made my heart happy today….

“I’m happy that I found you…you are introducing me into something I wouldn’t have thought about trying ever…but I like your personality and how you think. I like how we flow and just get along…its been a really long time since I’ve had that…its refreshing and nice!I love what we have and what we are building!!I’m lucky to have you.”

“I have a bad habit of staring lol I cant help it though, someone as beautiful and amazing as you!! 😊😚”

Holy shit

6.3.18

A successful date with someone I have been talking too. We got to meet up for wings.

His transparency leaves me in shock. And feels like a trap because it’s so refreshing.

We met up for a early dinner as he as a early riser for work. My anxiety was high like normal but I calmed down after a while. After lots of rambling. I am at a point I’ll just spill my drama and crazy life and if people wanna stick around I’ll be shocked. He doesn’t seem bothered by my crazy. Only big down fall, hes never done polyamory before. That scares me a bit. Just due to my own past. But everyone’s different. He asked questions and legitimately listens.

I’d like to see where this goes. Keeping my hands to myself was hard because his hug made me weak in the knees. We fit together in the hug so well I could get lost.

https://open.spotify.com/track/359lSGQwvAM3aZA5UNwqiQ?plead=please-dont-download-this-or-our-lawyers-wont-let-us-host-audio

J5🎸
this reminds me of many many years ago.

I love catching up with you and hearing your many stories. Standing in my kitchen telling my kids “you have no clue how bad ass your momma really is…” and then telling them about some crazy adventure we had gone on… back when I was only a young teen.

It still echoes in the back of my mind how you told my kiddos in from of their dad… “this women right here makes dating woman now impossible, she set the bar way too high because shes the strongest, bad ass bitch I have ever known I’m damn happy to have her on my side any day of the week.” Hearing that means more than you will ever know.
I’m glad your still around, and I’m glad people that know my whole story, can look at me and say they are proud. It’s so rare to hear that in my life. So it means so much to me.
I do love you J5!
Always have and always will.

Source: Spotify

5.20.18

I got in a deep conversation with someone about what would be the ideal polyam relationship for me.

And thinking over the past ones. What each one brought me, how each one changed me, and help me grow.

I’d have to say I want the kind of polyam relationship that’s strongly rooted in friendship. Were you can be like best friends who can be physical w/o compermizing our marriages or other relationships. Who helps each other grow, vent, think through life problems, brain storm, dream up what ifs, cheers each other on, celebrates our wins with us and comforts our losses.

I get that often poly isn’t a full time relationship at times, sometimes we are in a secondary position, closeted, or more hushed in our lifestyle w/ poly but that doesn’t mean the supportive friendship ground work isnt there.

I have found that kind of connection only a few times. And even fewer was it able to be a relationship of more than friends like I longed for.

I can’t say dating is easy by any means. But I think building meaningful friendships in itself feels more impossible these days.

Sex is great but i wan an intimacy that isn’t strickly sexual and I want that with people I can invest deeply in and know they feel it too by the effort they make to return it.