Tag: polyamorous

Laying in bed with my love.

He wanted to talk, catch up. Its Been such a crazy week. And being apart for 4days wasn’t easy. I shared a song that made me think of him this week. Shared parts of converstions, thoughts and emotions. Did my homework for Monday’s appoinemnt, and just spent time together.

We are in such a better place together now. And this week has been a test to all the changes we have made.

I think the most touching thing said tonight,

“You told me your scared, but i am too, im happy to see you eyes sparkle again, i know you’ve miss him. But remeber the break up didnt just effect you alone last time, so yes im scared too.”

I cant ask for a more loving supportive husband. Our crazy life is never short of a realty tv show. He listens to my happiness, and comforts my sadness. Celebrates my joys and protects my broken peices.

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“Except of course that you take really pretty picture of the moon. Always!”

I got this.. Randomness sent to me from an Ex-partner….

Havnt really talked in months…

🤔umm thanks 😊

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11pm at night an email conversation, im set up for phone call tomorrow, (a sunday) to start talking to a therpist. I’m not struggling, or at risk. Our new benifits allow a new approach to mental health and im being proactive. I have a few things i know i need to tackle, and im ready to work on those. So, far this approach has warmed my heart how they do things and my options. For the first time in my life i dont feel asking for help is a negative. And THAT is how mental health should be.

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Drinks, sang, laughed, and enjoied the night. Guy friends who accept our wants are different and still enjoy friendship are nice, hes a doll and we have future night out plans.

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Crazy?!?

Yes I know I am.
I tend to be far more patient with those that capture my attention than I probably should but EFFORT matters to me. oh, how the smallest of things make my heart flutter.  Life has thrown me so many curve balls and tested me more than the average person. I mean I wasn’t even supposed to be here.
Those that know my inner thoughts think I am walking down a dead end road. Im so thankful hubby supports my choices to wait things out. I kinda thought this might be a dead end road when I first set foot on this path. but i took a chance, one I am thankful for, i almost missed the turn. But some adventures are unmapped, calling out to our souls by name, and making no promises at what we might discover, the enormous joy or even new lessons learned about ourselves. IF this adventure turns out to be just a dead end road, i can say the last 5 months i have smiled and laughed brighter than i have in a while and I will simply pick up my mess and keep moving forward with fond memories to add to my story. I hope to add much more to this adventure.. all in time but until dust can settle, and bridges are secured enough to cross safely, I’ll enjoy the adventure. 

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Sick to my stomach😑

It makes me completely uncomfortable but I have to trust that you’re going to make the right decisions♘…. again vulnerability is where; courage, strength, joy, and Trust all flourish and grow. 

Edit: went well, no issues, i went outof my comfort zone and wasnt rewarded with anger or regret. Small wins

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I recently this year came out as poly to a handfull of people. Our daughter, a few more friends, and more public in general. in a converstion i expressed this thought. forgive me if peices are missing. With that thought in the image above. We live in a world that tells us, to tell people how we feel because tomorrow is never promised…

Yet newer relationships.. we are afraid to say I love you, especially afraid to say it first, in fear of scaring the other person off, because love is huge. Some how love has gotten paired with other words like always and forever that loving someone now is scary. however, Love is non transactional. Just because one person feels that way, it does not hold the other person to an obligation to say it back. while we feel our best when we are loved in return, it still not an obligation to feel that way in return. grated it can feel like you’ve been handed a fragile heart, but honesty is all you can offer, maybe you dont LOVE them but like them beyond words. that is your feelings. If they feel love for another person, then they should freely be able to express that love, it doesn’t always mean forever, love doesn’t mean marriage, love has sooo many different types and phases of love To tell someone you love them is just a much larger complement than telling them “hey I really like that top on you it brings out your eyes” “i really like spending time with you”, “i really appreciate and value our time together” to tell someone you love them is much like a compliment to them and an expression of anothers feelings. we cannot control our feelings but we can control our actions. our feelings are valid. im not saying the minute NRE has you in a whirlwind of butterflies and bubbles blurt out I love you, but really think about you feelings and express with honesty and no obligation other than honesty and respect back…

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