Left on read….

As person

*whom has explained their previous scars

*has asked you to not ask “hows your day” if you don’t have the time to really chat

*has told you how i feel in regards to your newest addition squashing our NRE prematurely

*has watched her take major priority on your calendar and free time

As a person whos lovey dovey GIF was left all day on READ because weekends you go MIA when with her.

I have gotten your messages. Not in text, not voice, but by actions.

Your game, is well played.
You looked so well put together.. i was so impressed by you.
But i have seen now, you are flighty and have no real plan. You have no real dominance after all. Another fake.

I dont know that this is the game i want to play anymore.

Im not a convenience.
Im a person who let down my walls for someone who lives one NRE high to the next. 😔

April 23, 2017 0

New date

4/21
coffee turned into dinner

530p-1030p

He was so easy to talk to.
He understands how family is my everything.
We laughed so much.
He gives hugs that make me feel completely comforted.
im glad i went… i almost canceled

He needs a code name….hmmm

look back edit: 🐝

April 22, 2017 0

Lost

“We should see each other more”
“We should make time”
“We need to have an evening date”

Im not sure who this we is because your the one not available. Your the one whom added someone to your polycule, who seems to have all your free time. I knew time was a commodity you had little of. But things definitely changed. i have tried to suggest time, but then i dont have the link to your google calender as she does.
Im not making the effort to get on you calendar. You want me there…. you’ll make it happen.
Things have changed. And i dont wanna be physical until i know your still invested more than sex. This is why the L word scares me because i let down my walls only to have to start building again.

April 13, 2017 0

Patient

Things where going good. High on NRE. Then she came along and went from friend to gf in record speed.
Now she has your time on the weekends, sometimes evenings on weekdays too.
One day a week for 4 hrs if im lucky.
Conversations have lessened
Im scared i fell into another trap.
We shall see

April 7, 2017 0

Today my nurse from yesterday asked About my visitors yesteday. I had told her my hubby was coming to take my valuables home. And suprized my BF came in. We held hands and puppy eyed eachother. When hubby got there i had introduced him. So she was confused. It was the frist time i openly answered yes the frist visitors was my boyfriend the 2nd was my hubby with our kids. She asked how longni had been separated. I said im not. Been together 15 yrs im polyamorous and yes they both know. We where suposed to all go out but i got admitted here. She was impressed and happy for me. Said most ppl who have a husband and a boyfriend end up woth hallway fights out side there rooms lol intold her we all know and im very lucky to have both loving guys in my life.

That was the most freeing honest moment ever

April 1, 2017 0

Hubby… wants this as his wedding ring tattoo. We have talked about doing them for a long time. His linenof work rings are dangerous. Recently he said he wants the poly symbol. Its been apart of our life for a long time. The eternity & heart alone means a lot, but the double meaning brings me to tears. my love, loves me whole, unconditionally and i couldnt ask for a better life partner.

March 27, 2017 0

I didnt know what to expect. This weekend felt like a little distance was taking place. Tower has NRE with another gal right now too. Im happy for him. I know how NRE can help depression and drive. I just was worried it would cause ours to fizz out faster.

Today was our little get away. I rented a car grabbed him and we headed 2hrs to san fran. The weather said rain and cold was to be expected. It rained like hell on the way to san fran. Once arrived wow it was a beautiful day.
Some sight seeing and off to to the science meauem. What a wonderful day.
Sat by the ocean for a bit even snuggled.
Dinner at the SAME restaurant chain our first dinner out (the night he met hubby) technically our first solo dinner date.
The hotel is an adorable cottage like place. The whole trip has been amazing.
Now for snuggles.

March 22, 2017 0

We told our daughter

She 17 and we talk alot. She kinda thought hubby and i had something going on, more don’t ask don’t tell. but her “i wanna be like dad and mom” fairytale, is a little dented but shes said shes okay with it. She understands how me being a mom at 16 and hubby being a stick in the mud leaves me wanting more in life and shes glad it works for us. She said she understands all the advice I’ve given a little better now. she wants things to stay respectfully hushed seeing anything more than a hug would bother her. i appreciated her telling me that. But shes not ashamed because hubby and i are happy. And she noticeably sees how it improves me in general. She is pissed her older brother knew before her.(other issues unrelated got talked about in that mess) But i told he out right asked me. She and i had a nice heart to heart talk while at er last night i told hubby i think shes ready to know. He was more than ready to tell her already. She knows im going to be going to sf with bf next week. I told her i wont be posting cheesy kissing pics on social media.

I feel so much better with her knowing.p

March 13, 2017 0

The L word

I dont use red hearts emoji any color but red because to me it means a speical kind of love. The kinda love i have only had with my hubby. The only kind of love that has lasted in my life. I have been hurt so many times.

Yet i can love more than one person, been poly 8 yrs and truly ever loved 2 out side of my lion.

This summer someone latched on while feeling NRE and *fell in love* with me and got jealousof my kids and hubby. He went bye bye real quick. I dont have time for that or to explain how unhealthy that even is. Im married, and happy. And that isnt fucking changing.

Tower and I are fireworks and butterflies. Thanks NRE. Now i think we are dancing around that word. And i told him that word bothers me. But we never got into why.

Today while with bff she asked “what if on ur trip he says he loves you, are you gunna dump him and run?” No!

But i dont know that i can say it back because so many times in my life i tell someone i love then and i lose them. The feelings might be there but the label of loving them makes me fearful of possibly being hurt.

March 11, 2017 0

March 9, 2017 0