Tag: polyamory

I got this necklace from my besties hubby. It says I love you in it 100 ways…He got her and I each one. Yes I said her hubby. They know I’m poly. And while I have no romantic or sexual relationship with either of them we often joke we are in a non sexual triad.

I saw what he planned to get her for Christmas on sale and sent him the link he send me money on FB and told me to snag it for him. Its just one of the many ways we work as a team.

Her hubby drives truck long haul. And the days he is gone I am besties over half. She doesn’t drive so errands and what not i help with when he is gone. I mean time with bestie and errands it’s not really a chore🤣. When her hubby is in town I kinda leave them be to enjoy what little time they have.

He and I get in depth talks on credit repair, how to maximize purchasing powers &rebate programs, how we handle people who need to be told how to do their jobs in the most elegant f**k off letters, science, insurance, stocks. we jive.

When the 3 of us hang out it’s full body laughter, the kind that makes me cry I’m laughing to hard. Good deep though convos, roasting each other. It’s just amazing. They spend Thanksgiving with me annually and it’s a tradition I enjoy.

I just smile and laugh because anyone who knows us, knows how well the 3 of us roll. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m loved while not the crazy kink & sex filled life people think polyamory is all about. I am loved.

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Habits

I tend to get in a routine. I like comfortable. Safe. Secure.

But I know I enjoy connections, going out, doing, pushing limits of my own anxiety and norms.

I am happy in My …. ummm not sure what it is.. but I’ll call it a relationship because so many levels apply with that word.

Hubby and I are also in a good place.

I have had someone asking to meet me for weeks now. And to be honest I haven’t wanted to at all, moody and depression and more than anything I’m happy and I dont want any waves to change that. But that’s not how life works. Nor is it healthy. Defantly not the way poly works for me. But monogamous norms try to pull me in to comfortable.

So I have dinner plans friday. Meeting a new person. Facing my anxieties and being social for my own good.

I see my Panda on Sunday and his Wife, which I’m over the moon excited about. In a more platonic situation, I do so miss him.

This years been quiet a rollercoaster. So let see what craziness the last 53 days hold.

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What I want

Im I want a real deep connection. A friendship, that catches fire and that turns into more. I am polyamours, i am married, with kids (one speical needs) and care taker to several other friends and family members. Im needed so much in my day to day life and i give so much. I love at full volume. I want to be wanted, not needed. Not saved, not catered too,not spoiled, but equal. I want to laugh with a passion that excites me. Talk about life and science and why we view or feel things the way we do. I want see someones eyes light up when they talk about what they are passionate about while being able to take a joke or pun mid line. I want honest, seeing others cool, fucking others cool, lets get tested regularly to stay safe, having a hard time in another realtionship and need a sunggle and vent you got it. someone I can text good and bad too who wanted to know what’s going on in my mind But I dont want to change someones goals or life i only want to add to it.

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Blunt but honest

Someone I’ve been talking with we’ve expressed interest in wanting more. I was so blunt and honest. Which was a breath of fresh air for me .

What i said was

“Speaking bluntly. The only resistance or hesitation you will find is my own insecurities from old wounds, Otherwise I’m very interested, im looking forward to getting to know you more and working our way that direction. As for boundaries, I dont know that they are boundaries per se, I date. I dont do hookups. My wounds are people being all talk, sweet & sappy, only to want the physical parts. I give my poly relationships the same respect, and honesty and effort as a traditional relationship. I expect that returned.

I’m not one to be as blunt as i should be but i was tonight. I guess I’m really done with how things have been and I’m trying really hard to be the change i wanna see in my own life.

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Another spontaneous night out till 3am. Spontaneity has bitten me again. And this time I’m simply wow-ed. Tonight unfolded odd. But when it came together it left me speechless.

He drove us to beal’s point, We walked 1130p from the camp grounds to the day use beaches of folsom lake, sat down by the waters edge enjoying the moon,Mars, the waters sounds &, talking for hours. I’m just impressed.
no bar or diner this time.. someone wanting to spend time with me & get to know me and someone who asks me questions & actually talks.
He snuggled in.
It was sweet, and special.
I’m looking forward to seeing where this adventure takes me.

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I left my comfort zone and went to a comedy improve show. The special guest was an ex partner of mine but our friendship has become more stable in where we stand, I wanted to go to show my support.

His eyes always light up when he sees me, everytime since we broke up, and that has always made me feel special. That spark missing was one of the reason we broke up just about a year ago. It’s a rare thing to me. I dont feel that special or that someone is that happy to see me. The last few times I’ve seen that spark It makes me feel so special.

I laughed a lot, didnt even come put of my skin when my name was said.. . I had beer.. which I don’t normally drink. And I really enjoyed myself. I knew when I left it was the right time to leave I didnt need to be getting comfortable and drunk in that situation. My head need be clearly on my shoulders.

I didn’t feel completely out cast like I normally do. They are very much his people but for the first time ever among his people, I didnt feel like an outsider looking in.

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Lesson

Someone taught me a lesson I hold dear to my heart.

Love is non- transactional, we can love people and say we love them and while it feels safe and good to have that vulnerability and emotions returned it’s not required. And we shouldn’t fear feeling that amazing emotion.

Tonight the word love was used in a context that would normal scare me out the door running. But I just smiled and pulled him closer and kissed him. I told him he makes my heart very happy.

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Honestly Happy

Tonight things worked out to spend time together. I was so giddy just to see him. (Him needs a nick-name) We met up at round table and laughed like old friends. A comfort and familiarity that I shouldn’t have yet.

We went back to his place for 3 hrs. Snuggled and I wished I could have stayed the whole night there. He insisted on walking me out when I left, and again ‘text me when you get home safe’

I’m so dumbfounded by him. Like where has this amazing human been all this time, why couldn’t I have met him sooner? But for now I will simply enjoy that our paths are intertwined now. And enjoy the time I have with him. Because he makes me feel beautiful, valued, appreciated, and special.

6.16.18

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Out to all the kids

My oldest daughter was the last to know. Because she didnt live here when we came out to her sister, and with her moving back home she needed to know why mom went out more than before.

She said she knew in high school but was shocked it’s been 10+ years of poly.

She was so okay with it and said she’s so glad that her dad and I find something that works for us. She said if more people could talk about there needs openly, more people would be happier. ( hell ya shes been listening to me all these years after all)

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ladyvean:

“Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you’re in love or you’re partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don’t know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something.”

— (via bl-ossomed)

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